ETA TFLN

I'm sure most of you are familiar with the website Texts From Last Night. For those of you who aren't, TFLN is a website where people can post text messages that they have sent or received. Texts are posted anonymously, but identified by area code. The texts generally focus on 1. sex 2. alcohol/drugs 3. ridiculous things. It is very college, but entertaining.
For example:
(203): The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.

Some of the ETAs and I were discussing the website and saying that one of the reasons we enjoy occasionally reading it is that posted texts are so far from applying to our current lives. We said that if we were to create an ETA version, the majority of our posted texts would focus on 1. disgusting things we find in our houses 2. people inappropriately hitting on us 3. ridiculously odd situations we get forced into. Here are some sample texts [some real, some fake though based on real situations] from Indonesia ETAs:

(+62): the cat pooped on my couch. again.

(+62): 3 foot long monitor lizard being hacked to death in my living room. can't talk right now.

(+62): exactly how bad is it to eat bugs?

(+62): ants in my bed. cockroaches under it. rats in kitchen. giant lizard in living room. i live in a zoo.

(+62): what should we name my parasite?

(+62): i dont wanna close my eyes i dont wanna fall a sleep cz i.d miss u baby.. N i dont wanna miss a thing cz even when i dream of u the sweetest dream would nv do i.d still miss u baby,. i l0ve u, n hve a nice dream,

(+62): u beautiful smart young girl. i lucky have u my special friend. i can to your house now?

(+62): apparently i'm the guest lecturer at this english conference. thanks for the heads up bu.

(+62): just confiscated porn of women in jilbabs. now what do i do?

(+62): how do you politely tell 'bus "stop cheating! i can see you and i'm not stupid"?

(+62): 3 video cameras taping my class. i hate my life.

(+62): 12 year old girl just sang to me in front of 200 people. i feel dirty.

Please feel free to add your own ETA Indonesia TFLN!